A Flawless Guide To Failure.

Good morning to all of my failing failures! Today’s flawless way to fail is a special kind of failure. If you are someone who drinks water from tap because you know it is no different from bottled water and the notion of paying to drink bottled water is ridiculous, then you need to learn how to fail! What you need to do in this situation is take note of all the different bottled water brands and convince yourself that one is better then the rest. You need to be sure that you are paying more money then is necessary. So basically, if you are paying anything for water then you are paying more then is necessary. You want to collect as many plastic bottles as you can so when recycling day comes along you can show those dumpy garbage men how much glorious bottled water you drink. If a bottled water company wants to move in to your state, you should welcome them with open arms and kick back so you can get a front row view of your states natural resources being raped. It’s truly a great show! Now that you are supporting the death of your land, corporate privatization, and the payment for something as needed as air, you are failing hard and failing flawlessly!

Hello to all my failing apprentices! Coming at you are more ways to flawlessly fail! If you find yourself apart of Congress and you are making decisions that help the progress and health of this country, you are not failing properly. What you should do in this scenario is take a food that has about as much nutritious value as a bucket of old grease. You must also make sure that the food you are choosing has no vegetable properties what so ever. From here you must declare that food a vegetable for schools across the nation. I mean we all know that there is not an obesity problem in this country, so why the hell not? We also know that diabetes is not becoming more and more common because as the generations move along we stuff our faces with more sugar and grease then those previous to us. So take that greasy ass school pizza and label it a vegetable! That’s failure in it’s most pure and flawless form! Good to know that Congress is looking out for us and our youth.